Two days ago I got an email out of the blue. An old friend who I missed dearly reached out to me. We both had a lot going on and wires got crossed and, well things happen. I have wanted to reach out for a long time but I wasn't the one to end things so I wanted to give her the space she needed. When I saw her in my inbox I was floored. I am glad to have her back in my life and I really hope we can be as close as we once were.
If you are thinking about someone from your past (recent or not so much) I say let them know. A few years ago I reached out to an old friend and heard nothing back, I am glad I did it and honestly nothing bad came from me doing it. She just wasn't in the same place I was, no big deal. When I read my email the other day I was so touched that I cried. And all it took was a few sentences in an email and now I have an old friend back.
I have friends that had boys only and felt the same kind of sadness you experienced. Having a reaction and being able to recognise it for what it is is immensely healthy (I just wrote a resource page on feelings for a mental health blog!) and I commend you for it. You take a risk by publishing it in part because not everybody has fully grasped that having a feeling is healthy, pretending is a sickness.
ReplyDeleteYou're so lucky if you came by that freedom naturally. It says a lot about your family, or someone who influenced you and accepted you as a kid.
Anyway, I was *only* going to have girls ... I came from an all girl family and it was all I knew. So when I was pregnant with my third, I set my sights on a third sister in the coven. Of course, that meant I got a boy. Go figure. But at the same time, I had (another) friend who's wife was pregnant with her third. I asked if they knew which sex it was going to be and she said yes and for some reason I said, are you getting a girl?! Oh, the look, as she was having her third little boy. Um ... whoops!
But family being what it is, we all get used to what arrives, and have (as it turns out and despite our fears) more capacity to love than we can ever imagine before the moment. I experienced the exact same fears as you, when carrying my second, again you are pretty much the norm, and I look forward to hearing you tell how amazing that capacity to generate more love than you ever knew was possible when this little lovebug is born.
Ahem. That is all.
I'm glad you got an old friend back. I tried reaching out to someone from my past awhile back, never heard back...oh well. Someday perhaps.
ReplyDeleteYour feelings and reactions are totally normal. So don't feel bad for them. (((hugs)))
Just wanted to say your blog is super cute!
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